horrible gift ideas for equestrians

2020 Equestrian Gift Guide with Gifts Your FriendsWon’t Like


I’m in the mood for some jokes and sarcasm! A few days ago, I saw a post from my friend who works at Greenguard Equine. The IG post jokingly said, “This holiday season, give your pony the gift they’ll hate…The gift of limited grazing.”

This blatant sarcasm obviously inspired me, as here we are. This is my collection of highly practical and fun gifts for horses and horse friends.



I’m also still bitter about how much 2020 has challenged so many of us. For me, using these links is one way to help me keep this website up. And I adore you for this! As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but it’s ZERO extra cents to you.


For the “round” horse or the “hoover” horse:


For the horse that needs to watch his waistline or manage his pasture vacuum abilities, I give you the line of Greenguard muzzles and halters.


horse and pony dressed up as santa

This holiday season, enjoy 15% savings with code 15FIRSTORDER if you are a first-time shopper at gg-equine.

For the diva at your barn.


For the “matchy-matchy” barn diva, help their collection grow with some mismatched bells and a saddle pad. 2021 is for getting out of your comfort zone, and what better way to help your diva friend along.

Might I suggest some atypical colors, like this raspberry pad, mixed with some bright bell boots? In a pattern? *GASP*



wine colored saddle pad with countoured wtiher

This gorgeous saddle pad comes in other colors, too.




crazy blue bell boot

These bell boots are perfect if you don’t care at all about mixing blue patterns with pink solids.




For the silly pony or horse at the barn.


If you have a naughty pony or horse that escapes busting into the grain bins, you don’t need extra locks. Just hang some original artwork on the feed room door and no horse will venture inside. Guaranteed to scare even the most devilishly clever pony.


red dragon art print



Also, these are gorgeous and I want one. See more on Laura W.’s IG page!


For the barn dog that acts like a fool at horse shows.


For the barn dog that always acts like a big, tough guy at shows, why not embarrass him a little bit with a new crystal dog leash? Nothing says humility on a tough guy like sparkles.


dog leashes with bling


You should also check out all of the gorgeous tack that Pure Harmony Equine has. Use code UGH2020 for savings, valid through Dec. 16th!

Let me share that code one more time: UGH2020



The broken-record rider who only uses one description of their horse.


This unicorn onsie is literally the perfect gift for that person who calls their horse “a unicorn” ALL THE DANG TIME and it’s making you nuts. We get it – you love your horse. How ’bout a new nickname?



unicorn onsie for adults

Every horseperson needs one of these unicorn onsies.


PS – I am allowed to make this joke because it is about me. I’m that person. I say unicorn until I make others wretch.


For the rider that measures clout with how much horse grooming stuff they have.


These gloves are the perfect gift for your barn friend who constantly brags about their collection of grooming tools. All the sponges, curry combs, blades, and shedding gimmicks can all get thrown away after you give them a pair of Hands-On Grooming gloves. Take that! There’s nothing left to brag about when you only need one tool.


hands on grooming gloves currying a dark horse


Use code FALL10 for pretty-penny savings on your order directly from HandsOn Gloves. This code is good through the end of December 2020.


For the horse lover that thinks they are an artist, but they are not.


There’s something so magical about this time of year! Snow, holiday lights, attempting to carve funny designs into your horse’s butt!


Time to bust out the smaller trimmers and do just that. Your horse can deal with the dirty looks from his paddock mates. And besides, there’s no better way to be insta-famous than clipping a hot mess on your horse’s butt. Err, I mean snowflake on your horse’s butt.

wahl chromado horse trimmers


These magical clippers have a 5 in 1 blade system so you can cut really close, or not that close.




Another gift idea for the naughty horse.


If your horse has been on the “naughty list” this year, why not give him the mother of all warnings with some bacon-flavored M-T-G? Sure, it’s great for all sorts of skin issues and hair loss. But, did you know it also smells like a BBQ? Hint, hint bad pony!



shapley's mtg plus for skin issues

The M-T-G plus has a nice feature that as it dries, the smell goes away.




PS – It’s a joke – I would never actually BBQ a horse. But my horse doesn’t need to know that.



For any horse that deserves a stocking full of socks.



We all know that everybody deserves some new socks for the holidays! This is probably the only time of year that you have this joy. Don’t leave your horse out, get him a set too! These have the double duty of making your horse the laughing stock of his herd AND healing his leg acne and funk while keeping out the mud.



sox for horses on horse leg with black hoof



Use code WINTERDERMATITIS for a hefty discount at Sox for Horses.



For your trainer, who’s a stickler for “tradition”.



So you survived No-Stirrup November and you want to “thank” your delightfully traditional trainer? Who spits on anything with color, bling, or fun? Here are some great suggestions:


Twinkle toes hoof polish! How pleased will your trainer be when you volunteer to tack her horse for her and you surprise her with sparkling hooves!


twinkle toes hoof polish

How festive! Glittery hoof polish!




Or a fly bonnet for her super fancy horse that is only allowed to wear black and white? And you pick a fun new color to expand some horizons! You’ll want your trainer to be able to SEE your gift with every step, right?


many colors of fly bonnets


So many delightful colors for fly bonnets!



For your riding students, who seem to ignore you.


And if you are the trainer, how do you say “thank you” to your students? Those students who never shorten their reins, even when their horse is rolling peanuts and they are looking for a soft spot to land? Rainbow reins to the rescue! I pretty much dare you, BTW…



rainbow rubber reins for horses


Rainbow reins are the literal best!




Other gift ideas, as suggested by some sassy members of the Proequinegrooms FB Group:


  • Any sort of poopy wine that has a horse on the label.


  • A really bad professional photo session! Amaze your social media followers with an album where you and/or your horse’s eyes are closed, horse looks like you’re flying a kite in a hurricane, and you have green slobber all down your shirt. No extra charge for an “artistic” look because the horse won’t stand still. Packages include wall-size prints that have a modern impressionist style because you can’t tell what the image is anyway


  • If you have a professional rider in the family, definitely gift them stuff bearing giant logos for their sponsor’s competitor. It won’t be awkward at all.


  • Any of the myriad of highly simplified and frequently inaccurate informational horse books. The “All About Tack” / “Caring For Your New Pony” / etc types that you’re pretty sure the author was a random person commissioned to write it instead of an actual horseperson.



Happy Holidays Everyone! And thank you for making 2020 less of a dumpster fire.

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